CHARLESTON, W.Va. - As society and the economy change, what it means to be a father also is changing. But according to a clinical social worker who specializes in family issues, some parts of the job never change.

Jim Harris, owner of Opportunities Consulting Services, stated that fatherhood is becoming different with the decline of blue-collar jobs and with the rise of women in the workforce, along with the increase in the number of single-parent and blended families. He said the key parts of the role, providing for and protecting the family, are still there, but what they mean has changed.

"We're having to redefine what it means to be in a family and it's not easy," Harris remarked. "Being a father's difficult because it's so confusing. What are we now? Are we sensitive or are we tough? It's hard being a dad, but not being involved isn't an option."

He said fathers still have to, as he put it, "do the harder thing." But that may be psychologically and emotionally harder, not physically tougher.

He said physical strength and endurance are less important in the work force now, so fathers need to teach their children the emotional and interpersonal skills that can help them be mentally stronger and more flexible.

"Being a model of stability, consistency and care, to build them psychologically" is what's called for, he said. "Young people that can go into the world and be successful. And what that means is dad's have to be more in touch with their emotions than they were before."

He said that will often mean being more active in family life, and more aware of the messages they are sending, even unconsciously. For instance, he remarked, many parents use the same kinds of punishments that were used on them, without questioning. He said it's important to remember that you are setting an example.

"Be what you want your kids to become," Harris advised. "If you want your kids to be patient, be patient. If you want your kids to be kind, be kind. If you want your kids to be hardworking, they have to see you work hard."

Harris spoke at the National Association of Social Workers' West Virginia annual conference last week, the largest conference of its kind in the country.

Harris can be reached at ocshelps.com.




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Virginia's General Assembly is taking up a bill to address outcomes for kids in foster care.

Previous legislation either failed to pass or was watered down in favor of further research on the issues. House Bill 893 would require Virginia's Judicial Council to adopt new standards for attorneys to qualify to represent parents in child dependency cases.

Valerie L'Herrou, deputy director of the Center for Family Advocacy at the Virginia Poverty Law Center, described the impact it can have on families.

"When parents have better legal representation, the children achieve their permanency goal faster," L'Herrou pointed out. "On average, four months faster."

She pointed out the faster turnaround can reduce state foster care operation costs. Typically, Virginia spends $305 million annually on foster care. Most opposition to previous bills has subsided, in light of state research about the extent of the issue. The bill passed the House of Delegates and has been referred to the Senate Committee for Courts of Justice.

With more than 5,000 children in foster care, L'Herrou argued now is the time to act. She added if this bill passes, it could serve as a springboard for future improvements to the system.

"I think this will start giving judges information that they need in order to effectively decide cases," L'Herrou emphasized. "When a case goes to court, you're hearing from both sides, and if you only hear from one side, then you're getting an incomplete picture."

The bill would also raise the rate of compensation for attorneys taking such cases. In the meantime, L'Herrou stressed programs are providing parents with sufficient legal representation. The Family Preservation Project has been filling the gap by taking what she calls a "holistic approach" to family separation cases.

During February, which is National Parent Leadership Month, the nonprofit Parents Anonymous is celebrating the successful launch of the new National Parent and Youth Helpline.

The Helpline has received more than 19,000 calls in its first few months. On Saturday, the group cut the ribbon on its new headquarters in Pasadena.

Rep. Judy Chu, D-Calif., spoke at the event, saying National Parent Leadership Month is the perfect time to reassure families they are not alone.

"It is a time for them to learn that there are resources available," Chu noted. "You can change your life around and feel better yourself, but also help your children live better lives."

Parents Anonymous created National Parent Leadership Month 30 years ago. The nation's 174 million parents and young people who need emotional support can call or text 855-427-2736 or live-chat 24/7 on the website.

Antonia Rios, chair of the national and California parent leadership teams for Parents Anonymous and a mother of seven, said she overcame decades of trauma with the help of counselors at Parents Anonymous.

"Parents Anonymous has provided me the emotional support so that I felt safe to open up," Rios explained. "I didn't feel judged, or revictimized. I felt like I could talk about what it was like for me, and then move past it."

The federal Administration for Children and Families recently awarded Parents Anonymous a five-year, $10 million grant to launch and operate the National Parent and Youth Helpline.

Wisconsin is among the states without a defined formula for deciding alimony payments through divorce court proceedings.

A new report says without that predictability, some people might not be getting a fair shake.

Custody X Change, an online firm that helps families navigate divorce, is out with a new analysis of alimony laws across the country.

The company's Managing Editor Shea Drefs said only about a third of states have a formula on the books.

The remaining states, including Wisconsin, essentially give judges discretion to sign off on an amount without a guideline.

Settlement agreements often take shape beforehand, but Drefs said that's not always the case.

"If you can't reach an agreement, because many people who are divorcing aren't on super great terms," said Drefs, "and they go to a judge and they say, 'Okay, you decide what should the alimony amount be.' If that's you going in, you have no idea what to expect."

Drefs said this can be especially problematic for those who can't afford an attorney to guide them through negotiations.

The report also notes that of the states that do have a formula, only 10 have guidelines for how long payments should continue.

The authors recommend implementing policies in states where there are none, and for ongoing assessments of existing formulas.

Drefs said in cases where someone isn't able to secure fair terms, whether that's the person receiving the payments or the other half responsible for them, it can have a lasting effect.

"Having bad alimony arrangements can have an impact on each of the ex-spouses," said Drefs, "on their children - and it can have ripple effects."

That might include housing instability or other forms of financial hardships.

Drefs said while existing guidelines can help a judge make a decision, there's still flexibility to consider traditional factors, such as income levels for both spouses, their ages, and the length of the marriage.




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