PHOENIX - It's an order that has passed the lips of many a parent - "Quit that horsin' around!" But a better option may be to loosen the reins a bit. According to Larry Cohen, a licensed psychologist who encourages roughhousing, physical engagement between children gets them some of the physical activity they need and can also help with mental and emotional development.

"They have more emotional intelligence, which is basically knowing your own emotions, understanding them, and being able to read and understand other people's emotions."

Cohen, author of "The Art of Roughhousing," said that for children, especially those who are shy, roughhousing and wrestling around can be one way to help build inner confidence.

Roughhousing can also help build bonds between parent and child, Cohen said.

"We kind of think of roughhousing sometimes as a free-for-all, but you actually have to tune in to each other and that's great for building a connection," he said. "And I think in our society now we are just pushing children so hard to achieve and perform, and they don't get enough time to just roll around on the floor."

Now, when it comes to the issue of roughhousing and safety, Cohen said, he prefers supervision and knowledge, rather than too many rules. It's an approach that really set in when Cohen's daughter was younger and climbing around at a playground ... and he kept telling her to be careful, over and over.

"And my friend said 'You know, Larry, she's gonna recover more easily from a broken arm than from being timid and fearful her whole life.' Yes, there's a risk that a child could get hurt, but a loss of an adventurous spirit, a loss of excitement, a loss of confidence is worse than a broken arm."

More information is available online at AttachmentParenting.org.




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Advocates for foster children in Massachusetts are encouraging people to open their homes and hearts to adoption.

More than 8,000 children in the Commonwealth are currently living in foster care and seeking permanent, loving families.

Rita Soronen, president of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, said too often people believe the myth children are placed in foster care for bad behavior.

"It's important to know that there are reasons why that child is in care but there are reasons that are no fault of theirs," Soronen explained. "It's a family that has not done well by them."

Soronen pointed out foster care adoption in Massachusetts is free. Most application and legal costs are covered by the state. She noted many agencies have also improved the administrative process to ensure foster kids and their new families can get connected more quickly.

Research shows youths who age out of foster care without a family are at an increased risk of facing negative outcomes such as homelessness, unemployment or reentering into government systems.

Marisol Santana of Shrewsbury was adopted last year at age 19 after spending roughly 15 years in the foster care system. She said her new life is like a dream come true.

"I got to graduate from a better school. I got to do prom," Santana recounted. "I have love now that I'm surrounded by, and it's one of the most amazing feelings in the world."

Marisol is also now a big sister to three younger siblings and her mom said she has embraced the role.

Members of the Santana family are sharing their experience with the hope it will encourage other families considering foster care adoption to take the leap. They advised people to reach out to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, which can help answer any questions and direct them to local organizations to help begin the adoption process.

If the election season made one thing clear, it is neither side can hear what the other is saying and one expert believes it is because most of us were not taught "active listening" in school.

Christine Miles, founder of The Listening Path Classroom program, said only about 2% of schools offer formal listening skill development programs, which can handicap our success as adults. Miles believes too many of us listen half-heartedly, keen to share our thoughts or arguments the minute the other person stops talking.

"This is not new," Miles pointed out. "Since 1957, there's been talk about the fact that there's not formal education in schools on listening, and the reason I think it hasn't been solved is because listening has been notoriously hard."

Research shows students from kindergarten through 12th grade spend 50% to 75% of their classroom time listening, yet comprehend only 25% to 50% of what they hear. According to Miles, when it comes to politics, it is rarely effective to argue someone into adopting your position.

Miles believes technology is partly to blame for poor listening. Kids spend so many hours on their electronic devices, Miles explained some develop a natural form of attention deficit disorder, even if they don't have the condition biochemically.

"What the technology has done is made our brains even more impatient and more distracted than they already were," Miles contended. "If we don't help them learn how to have conversations about things they disagree about, how will they learn how to manage that?"

Miles noted becoming an adult without good listening skills can affect both academic success and social-emotional learning. To develop better skills, experts recommended being fully present in a conversation, showing interest by practicing good eye contact, asking open-ended questions, paraphrasing and reflecting back what has been said and withholding judgment and advice.


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The early childhood development initiative "Too Small to Fail" is expanding in Pennsylvania to boost children's brain and language development, preparing them for kindergarten and beyond.

Nearly 60% of children in the United States begin kindergarten unprepared, lagging behind their peers in essential language and reading skills.

Perri Chinalai, managing director of the Too Small to Fail program for the Clinton Foundation, said her organization is partnering with the Barbara Bush Foundation for Family Literacy and the United Way of Pennsylvania to implement 250 new early education programs over the next two years.

"We worked with laundromats and transforming laundromat spaces into literacy-rich environments, because we know that families are going to laundromats," Chinalai explained. "How can we think about really encouraging talking, reading and singing in spaces where families are?"

Chinalai added the Barbara Bush Foundation works with children in early learning all the way through school-age kids, and the Too Small to Fail focuses on children aged 0-5. The initiative has donated more than 1.4 million children's books to families in under-resourced communities.

Chinalai noted they partnered with the Department of Public Health and Office of Homeless Services to transform two health centers in Philadelphia and a homeless intake shelter. She added over the past 11 years, the program has worked with communities across the country and have launched more than 40 campaigns.

"For the first year of this project, through our partnership with the United Way location, we will be partnering with six different locations, including the Titusville region, Lycoming County, Wyoming Valley, Southern Allegheny Capital Region and Bucks County," Chinalai outlined. "To really think about how we can incorporate these strategies within the work that they're already doing for children and families."

She added they are also working with a local bookstore called Tree House Books to restock bookshelves. She emphasized the campaigns will focus on training trusted messengers, transforming learning spaces and distributing resources to families.


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