NASHVILLE, Tenn. - The holidays are upon us, and images of peace, love, harmony and family togetherness are popping up everywhere. However, the reality is that this can also be one of the most tense and stressful times of the year for many people.

Dr. Mort Orman, a stress relief expert, says family members have different ways of celebrating holidays, and if they do not voice those expectations, problems are sure to surface and cause stress.

"Because of our expectations, we want things to go a certain way. When people start behaving differently, we try to get them to do something the way we want them to do it, and sometimes they don't want to do that or that's not their particular way of doing it."

People should be willing to say "no," even if it means disappointing someone, Orman advises, because just trying to balance family commitments during the holidays often overburdens family members and causes more unnecessary stress.

Planning is also an important factor to ensure the next six weeks will be restful, memorable and meaningful. Orman advises families to plan their budgets, trips, dinners and visiting times. He also suggests focusing on the things that you are able to control - even in situations that can sometimes seem out of control.

"Sometimes you may not be able to control somebody else's behavior or the traffic jam or the long lines at the check-out, but you do have some control over your own patterns: when you start shopping; how much time you allow to travel around during the holidays; how you respond to other people and relate to other people."

The doctor's best advice may be that no one can "do it all," so be practical and build in some time to connect with spouse and children during the holidays. Children often take their cues from parents, he notes, so when parents are stressed, children's emotions can quickly ramp up, too.

More information is available at http://ormanstressrelief.com.





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At Thanksgiving, millions of Americans will see relatives who may be on the other side of the political divide for the first time since the election and experts have some tips for approaching the conversation.

Emma Nadler is a therapist, speaker and author of the book "The Unlikely Village of Eden." She suggested people consider what their overall goal is for the evening -- and the relationships -- and respond accordingly.

"When you feel yourself getting angry, frustrated, take a few seconds to consider, 'How do I honor my purpose here? What do I want to say next that brings me back to why I'm here at this holiday?'" Nadler recommended.

The group Braver Angels promotes civil political discussions. It suggested people focus on finding out where the other person is coming from, without putting him or her on the defensive, and try to find common ground before stating an opposing viewpoint.

Nadler added if the conversation takes a wrong turn, it is best to take a long pause, maybe pitch in with the dishes or take a walk rather than let things get nasty.

"Anyone can say and do things they regret," Nadler stressed. "It takes about at least 20 minutes of non-activating conversation to get back to your baseline regulation. So it's not two minutes."

Some families may choose to send out an email ahead of time to set the tone for the holiday, in hopes the Thanksgiving gathering will be about enjoying the time together, where people include and respect each other regardless of political viewpoints.


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November is National Adoption Month and one Oregon nonprofit is making space for Black and Indigenous adoptees to share their stories.

Although most adoptees are well-adjusted, research indicates people who have been adopted are more likely to have mental health struggles and are four times more likely to attempt suicide.

Liana Soifer, cofounder and executive director of the group BIPOC Adoptee Voices, said if the dominant story around adoption is too focused on parents and advocacy groups, the struggles and triumphs of adoptees can be overlooked.

"Adoption is based on a transaction: 'You're adopted, you're done, you're good, your life is fine,'" Soifer observed. "And for many of us now adult, into adulthood, we're saying, 'No, it's not fine.'"

Sofier was adopted from South Korea by a white family, and said having limited information about where you come from can lead to feelings of shame and isolation. If you are in crisis or know someone who is, call or text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

In Oregon, most adoptees are adopted by close family members. On average, 125 children are waiting to be adopted from foster care. The number has declined significantly in the last six years, after the Oregon Department of Human Services changed its policies to minimize child separation.

Soifer emphasized every adoption story is unique and said the public needs to learn about the struggles adoptees experience, along with their successes.

"Changing the way that we frame things, not good or bad, but just like, 'Here's the reality. The most important thing we can do is just educating how those adoptees, how the birth families are impacted,'" Soifer explained.

Soifer added getting to know other BIPOC adoptees has been important for building her own sense of belonging. BIPOC Adoptee Voices hosts regular, free mixers and storytelling events.


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New data show many Connecticut residents can't afford daily life. This year's ALICE update shows the number of asset-limited, income-constrained employed families grew 13% in 2022. This is the largest increase in a decade.

The report says a family with two adults and two children in the state need an income of $114,000 per year just to afford the basics - not including emergency expenses.

Daniel Fitzmaurice, director of advocacy for the United Way of Connecticut, said some of what people do to make ends meet falls outside the data's scope.

"It's a little hard sometimes to quantify, for example, the compromises families make to maybe put their child in only a couple days a week of childcare rather than full-time childcare, or live with many people in their household rather than have the type of housing they want," he explained.

Three priority affordability issues for Connecticut residents are childcare, housing and food. Fitzmaurice and other advocates feel implementing a state child tax credit can be the best way to help ailing families. The state's proposed credit would provide an additional $600 for a family's biggest expenses.

One challenge for families to receive the child tax credit is ensuring they file their income taxes. Fitzmaurice noted those eligible people might not know about it or other programs. Another issue could be they either earn too much or too little to qualify for some state programs. He offered Connecticut's childcare subsidy as one example.

"Families at that income bracket actually work outside of the traditional economy; say hair braiding or driving an Uber or delivery services," he continued. "And so, they struggle to qualify for the childcare subsidy that would enable them to work, because they don't have enough documented work."

Beyond the benefits cliff, there is a mismatch between everyday costs and the jobs of ALICE families. Half of the most common jobs in the state in 2022 all paid under $20 an hour. But Fitzmaurice said most of these jobs - like cashiers, truck drivers, and personal care aides - are essential to the economy.

"These most common jobs are also some of our most essential jobs, but they have just traditionally had very low wages for what it costs to live," he said.